Ukuthwalwa; Bride abduction

By Zisanda Solwandle

"Every girl growing up wants to get married, so I also wanted to get married, but at the time my boyfriend and his family abducted me, I was not ready, but I agreed because I loved him," said Amanda Mbulawa.

Amanda Mbulawa

Photo credit: Zisanda Solwandle

Amanda is a 33-year-old woman from Qokolweni location, a village in the Eastern Cape. She was abducted when she was 30 years old by her boyfriend. In the Nguni tribe, this way of taking a wife is called Ukuthwalwa.

Ukuthwala is a condoned cultural practice amongst the Nguni people. This cultural practice involves the abduction/kidnapping of a young girl or woman by a man who has intentions of marrying the girl with the help of his friends and peers.

But Amanda's abduction is not the normal one, where a man who wants to marry abducts a girl with the help of his peers; her abduction involves the groom's family.

"I was at the river with my sister doing laundry when my boyfriend's family called me to come over to their home. I thought they were calling me to help out since my boyfriend's mother had just passed, but when I got there, they told me that I am marrying into the family and they will send a letter to my family to inform them," explains Amanda.

The purpose behind ukuthwala is to force the woman's family to let their daughter marry. This process typically happens in cases where the young woman's family does not approve of the groom or when they are not ready to let their daughter marry.

In Amanda's case, the groom's family never went to Amanda's family to ask for her hand in marriage prior to the abduction. Amanda was abducted a day after the funeral of her mother-in-law. Her abduction was concluded in a meeting the groom's family had after the funeral, where they decided that the eldest child, which is her husband, had to take a wife since there was no longer a female figure in the home.

Amanda agreed to marry because she had been in a relationship with her husband since 2007, and they have a child together. Even though Amanda was happy to marry, some of her family members were unhappy. "My late father did not approve; I heard from people that he was saying that the way I got married is not the right way to take a wife, but agreed because he wanted me to be happy," said Amanda.

After the abduction of a girl, the groom's family sends a letter to the girl's family to notify them that they have taken their child, intending to make her a wife. The letter is sent to the 'bride to be's home by abakhongi (marriage negotiators). The girl's family then sends a messenger to their child, asking for her consent to proceed with lobola negotiations.

If she agrees, they proceed with the lobola negotiations, and if she does not agree, Abakhongi only pay inkomo yokuthwala (penalty fee) and leaves. In Amanda's case, lobola negotiations proceeded because she agreed to marry.

In contemporary times, ukuthwala has been negatively practiced; old men abduct young girls without their consent and force them to become their wives. This means that the young girls and women involved are subjected to sexual abuses, violence, and risks of contracting Sexually transmitted diseases and viruses.

These forcible abductions have become the rule rather than an exception in the Eastern Cape, and Bomkazi Ndlelani has been a victim of this traumatic experience.

"My mother told my brother's wife and me to go to my father's home to collect pumpkins; little did I know that I was going there to get married," said Bomkazi Ndlelani.

Bomkazi is a 27-year-old from Mpandeni Village, eXhora in the Eastern Cape. She was forcibly abducted when she was 21 years old by an older man she did not know. Bomkazi did not consent to the marriage, her mother approved on her behalf, and because she did not want to look like a rebellious child, she agreed but knew that she was not going to stay in the marriage when she got a chance, she will escape.

"When I got to my father's home, my father's sister told me that I was there to get married. I agreed because I did not want to sound like a rebellious child, but I knew that I was going to escape when I got a chance because marriage was not something I wanted, especially with a stranger who was much older than me," said Bomkazi with tears rolling down on her cheeks looking outside as if the emotions she had on the day of her abduction were flooding back.

Bomkazi stayed with the groom's family for three days and escaped, but the groom's family found her and took her back to her marriage home even though she had told them that she did not want to get married.

Bomkazi escaped again, now she went to Mthatha to a pastor that she knew as her aunt's advice.

"I escaped again and went to my mother's sister, who advised me to go to people I know in Mthatha. So, I went to a pastor I knew while still staying with my sister in Payne. The pastor and his family allowed me to stay with them and took me to the police to get a protection order against the groom's family if they found me and wanted to take me back to their home. The police referred us to social workers."

With the help of the social workers and the police, Bomkazi's mother understood that it is wrong to force one into marriage, and people who force girls into marriage are committing a crime, and they get jailed.

So, after the interference of the police and the social worker, it was then safe for her to return home, and fortunately for her, her future was not ruined because she was brave enough to escape and seek protection from a marriage she did not want.

Amanda Mbulawa's story of being abducted

Edited by Zisanda Solwandle

Bomkazi Ndlelani's story of being forcible abducted when she was 21 years old

Edited by Zisanda Solwandle

Reference List

Amanda Mbulawa, a 33 year old lady from Qokolweni Location in the Eastern Cape.

Bomkazi Ndlelani, a 27 year old lady from eXhora in a village called Mpandeni in the Eastern Cape